He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
