im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize