we're blogging at a bar
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
