friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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