Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
