Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
