looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
