I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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