If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
