dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
