I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think i have herpe
just one?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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