I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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