if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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