dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
