I wish i was in the wii world.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
