Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
