capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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