Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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