He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
