in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
