He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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