im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
