I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
