So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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