Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
