omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
