I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
