I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is the high leading the old right now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
