Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
