Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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