Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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