It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize