is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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