I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
