i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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