I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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