the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize