I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
