he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
