i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
