almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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