I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
