omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
