Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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