I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
