she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
