Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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