yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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