Duck Duck Cougar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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