i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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