I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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