why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We have started to decorate penises.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
