I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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