i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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