I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
