You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
