he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
