K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
