I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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