Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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