JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize